11:11: February 2012

I pretty much feel like an empty shell right now. A teacher at my school told me that watching me dance was “like watching paint dry” and that by not performing I am hindering myself. I agree. Every time I smile in her class and one of her colleagues’ classes I am told to stop “the Gromit” or “cheesing” Now, I have been on this earth now for almost 16 years, I know what faces I can pull that make me look happy, sad and angry. My smile is the only smile I own and after being told to stop smiling in ballet 4 times now I have learnt that smiling is bad. Of course I don’t believe this but I do what I think will keep the teachers from being consumed by rage. If these teachers looked through my school photo’s, they would see said smile, if they saw all the photos on the walls of my house, they would see the same smile, if they tracked every photo of me down ever taken they would see that the only true position I can contort my face into is the smile I use to perform. All other smiles I deem to be fake and ugly (including ones in my avatar) Now there are people in my school who make their faces show what I call: “The talking to a baby” face or ”the about to take a dick in your mouth” face or the classic “I am better than all of you look at my flappy feet and bent legs” face. If I ever started a company and people pulled the faces that my teachers at school think are appropriate then I would fire them all immediately. Now I don’t want a company full of blank “bored” faces I want reality and reality always looks better than some shitty cruise-ship-open-mouthed face.

So fuck me if I cannot keep up with your contradictions but I’m going to smile whatever goddamn smile my face makes and if you don’t like it then you can book me in for plastic surgery and pay the fucking price yourself.